Thursday, June 1, 2017

Day 6 Ramadan 2017



Ramadan Kareem and Happy Anniversary,




This was day six of Ramadan and the Hijri calendar anniversary of when I met my current husband, Ahmed.  There have been two and a half other husbands, so I'll have to clarify.

The first husband, an American, and I met doing a theatre show.  I was starring, and he was building the set.  I was 19, and he was 26.  I was with him for thirteen years and we had two children together.  My eldest son is 22 and my daughter is 19.  They are both in the States.

The second husband, an Egyptian, I met after I left the first husband and was trying to live life to the fullest.  I had a year of living dangerously.  I needed some excitement and BOY did I find someone the complete opposite of boring...as in manic-depressive.  I took shahaddah just before marrying him.  After five years, he went back to his first wife.  We somehow still get along and have El Kid, age eleven.

The half-husband, a Moroccan, was an internet deal that resulted in an Islamic-only marriage, which I've since figured out isn't a real deal (hence, the designation "half-husband").  You simply can't know someone across a country from seeing them on a screen and hearing their voice.  We were together, and not together, together, and not together for a year.

My current husband and I met in 2009, on my first day alone with El Kid, a.ka. Mr. Boo (when he was a little guy of only four years old).  I wrote about our meeting that day in Chapter 11 of my memoir "Making Hijrah".  If you haven't read that series, it explains a LOT.

Back to today since in Ramadan there's some time for reflection, but mostly it's about the here and now.

SOHOUR

2:40

I made pancakes and they were the largest hockey pucks you've ever seen.  They were AWFUL, but not too bad if you put some apricot jam on them.  Sohour ends up being a stuff-your-face experience.  You simply don't have time to critique the cuisine.  It's all about EAT!  NOW!

My hub had stayed up all night since he has officially turned nocturnal like a good Egyptian.  I was not happy that he had eaten his sohour alone.  Hello????  Family time!  Yet, the way the pancakes turned out, it was probably for the best that they were not on his plate.


FAJR

3:10

I definitely went back to sleep.  I have been so tired going off to work.  I was most concerned about El Kid sleeping some more since he was heading back to school to take his first exam while fasting.  Many parents have a fatwa stating their child doesn't have to fast during exams.

7:00

Off to school, but my hub was not walking us out the door.  He was sound asleep.  I was mad at him for that too.  It's hard to be mad at someone while you're fasting because you can't stay mad; you really have to drop it and move on.

9:40

My son REALLY made it hard on me today by explaining to me in the hallway that he hadn't known what to write for his composition, so he simply didn't write one.

WHAT?????

That was a freak out moment, but AGAIN, there is no freaking out when you're fasting.  It is a shame to break your fast for anything, but for anger it's a real no-no.  I kept it together and worked out a solution.

1:00

When my last class of the whole year was done, I was really happy to pray duhr.  I wanted to be connected to God, to quiet, to goodness, to the ideas of the Quran.  It's been an extremely tough year.  Praying in thanks for what has been was much needed.

3:30

I could go home and sleep.  I slept some on the bus too.  I've been so active at school.  I know I've lost weight.  It's not easy working, but then I think of those manual laborers who must be doing heavy lifting, or muscle straining work in the sun.  Subhanallah.  They really have it hard.  Whenever we feel sorry for ourselves, it's good to remember that many would trade their hardships to have ours.

When I woke up after my nap, it was already 5:00!  Rather than jump out of bed,  I stayed and read Quran.

I finished Baqqarah!  Alhumdulillah.  I had really hated not having gotten through the second surah, which my hub finished in one day.  There is truly so much to it.  I bookmarked so many passages that are meaningful.  That was easier on the tablet.  I did enjoy listening to the Arabic as I read.  It took some getting used to and it took longer because I was going at the rate of the spoken word.  That meant more time per thought, and I think I reached some new understanding this way.  I would recommend it.

MAGRIB

6:51

Despite me wanting to tell off my husband for this and that.  We prayed together instead.  Honestly?  That works better.  He isn't going to change his ways completely.  He's changed a lot of be married to me and to be the father figure for my son.  I can't ask him to be someone he's not, i.e., to be inauthentic.  In the end, his Ramadan needs to be for him, as much as mine needs to be for me; neither one of us need our toes stepped on.

We ate left-overs and I've never been so happy to see them.

ISHA

8:22

My hub bought the blackberry ice cream bars one more time.  He told me that he got them to celebrate the sixth of Ramadan---our anniversary.  He remembered!  I hadn't because I'd been too busy.  I forgave him his nocturnal ways and accepted him once again as my ansar, my helper on hijrah, here in Egypt.

I really have to tell him not to buy any more ice cream bars...maybe.

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