Wednesday, April 23, 2014

You Could Be Egyptian

Asalamu Alaykom,

Take this simple test to determine if you actually are Egyptian and just didn't know it.

1.  You are a man in the middle of the street in Cairo.  What are
     you doing?

   a.  Crossing the street
   b.  Talking to your friends
   c.  Smoking a cigarette
   d.  Texting
   e.  b, c, and d

The correct answer is:  e.  b, c, and d

You are in the middle of the street talking, smoking a cigarette and texting.

However, if you are a woman in Cairo, it is entirely possible the answer is a. Crossing the street

...while balancing a package on your head.

2.  You are a woman in Egypt and your toddler falls down the marble steps.  What do you do?

   a.  Loudly blame the preschooler playing with him
   b.  Tell the child, "Malish" it's no problem
   c.  Hold the child in your arms and rub the bump
  d.  Put ice on the bump
  e.  All of the above

The correct answer is:  e.  All of the above

After your toddler falls down the marble steps, you loudly blame the preschooler playing with him, then tell the injured child, "Malish," while holding the child in your arms and rubbing the bump, and afterwards put ice on the bump.  To be thoroughly Egyptian, try doing all four within the first minute and then repeat as if on loop.

3.  The lights go out in Egypt.  What do you do?

   a.  Sit where you are motionless.
   b.  Make tea on the gas canister by the light of your mobile phone.
   c.  Use a battery-powered flashlight or lamp
   d.  Blame the former government
   e.  b and d

  The correct answer is e.  b and d

When the lights go out in Egypt, you make tea by the light of your mobile and blame the former government.

4.  You are a woman in Egypt.  Both you and your friend are going to have upcoming weddings.  How do you plan accordingly?

   a.  Discuss calendar dates together.
   b.  Let the fiances discuss calendar dates together.
   c.  Pull calendar dates out of a hat.
   d.  Let the other woman choose.
   e.  Have the wedding together and choreograph a dance routine for the guests.

  The correct answer is e.  Have the wedding together and choreograph a dance routine for the guests.

Do not attempt this in America.  While the dance moves are not difficult, the mere act of putting together two brides at the same celebration has been known to be deadly.

5.  You are a woman giving an interview on the street about Egypt's current state of affairs.  Whom do you blame? 

   a.  Nasser
   b.  Mubarak
   c.  Morsi
   d.  Sisi
   e.  Obama's mouse

The answer is  e.  Obama's mouse.

6.  You are giving a man giving an interview on the street.  How do you end 
your camera time?

   a.  Ask for donations to your favorite charity.
   b. Give a shout out to your family and friends.
   c.  Smile and wave.
   d.  Spit.
   e.  Jump on a bus.

Watch for the correct answer.

Yes, the answer was e.  To end your interview time, you jump on a bus.

This quiz has now ended.  How many letter e.  did you answer?  The more you answered with e. the more chance you have of actually being Egyptian---and just not knowing it.

Let me know if you have other question ideas.  I'm sure there are a few!


Marie said...

Hilarious Yosra! I was thinking of you today, checking your twitter updates.
I did the quiz. I did not get many "e" answers!!
But you made me laugh and it feels good to laugh, trust me.
Hope you are safe and well these days.
Sending you love from France.

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Marie!

Nice to see you. Ya, I had a feeling you wouldn't past the test (as I didn't either). It's OK. We all have our shortcomings ;) Maybe someday, we'll be adequate and almost Egyptian.


I'm too snide, I know but I need a laugh too.

Good idea to check my Twitter if you are wondering about me. I tend to update on that at least every couple of days (if not every day). Doesn't always mean that I say what's going on with me but at least you know I'm still alive and kickin'.

Hope you're well in France with your half-Egyptian. Too early for him to take the exam. Give him a couple of decades.

Love and Light!

Party of 5 said...

Ha ha ha...seriously, don't know what to say. I got a lot of the answers right - don't know how though.

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Salma/Party of 5,

Well, now we know the truth! You really are EGYPTIAN! Mabrook.

IF you find yourself craving extra amounts of tea and sugar, just go with it ;)

Love and Light!