I keep getting questions so I keep answering them. Inshahallah I give the best advice I can. I am not a psychologist or a mind reader. I'm just another person trying to figure life out. From a variety of experiences I've gained some knowledge alhumdulillah. If I'm able to share some and spare some agony then it's all good.
Salamu Alaikom Sister Yosra,
I was married for many years to a good man who always did right for me. He loved me. He treated me well. He took me out. My brother's wife saw him do all this for me. She wanted him for herself. I felt this. All of a sudden, my husband asked for a divorce. At the same time my brother's wife also asked for a divorce. When I told my husband's sisters that I thought there was something between them, they accused me of having evil thoughts.
I felt very alone. I cried so much. Only the Quran gave me comfort. It was two years of feeling so terrible. I had nothing. I lost everything. I only had my children but they blamed me for what happened. I coudln't tell them everything I thought.
Finally, at the end of those two years, those two got married and then people knew the truth. His sisters now sided with me. The children understood better what had happened. I no longer felt like I was going crazy.
So, they are together and I will being seeing them soon at a family party. We all have to be there together though it's going to kill me. He hates me and can't even look me in the eye. I feel like I want to take revenge on them some how but I don't know what I should do.
Wa Alaykom Asalam Sister,
Wallahi you have suffered a lot. Alhumdulilalh that you are clean from that dirtiness. For real, say, "alhumdulillah" right now. Be VERY HAPPY you were made aware of the truth and could be free from their games.
"The brother-in-law is death," is the hadith; the saying from the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) that many "modern" Muslims want to ignore. With other men, we women have our guards up. We don't look at them let alone mingle with them and our husbands protect us from them. However, with male in-laws, we feel they are "like brothers" but they're not. They are eligible partners for us and we cannot pretend otherwise. Stories like this absolutely prove the point.
Shaytan really played with your family. Shaytan LOVES to break up husbands and wives. Imagine how much dearer this scenario was for him to have two families break up with sisters and brothers fighting and taking sides against each other. Astragferallah.
I can understand why you'd want "revenge". The best revenge is happiness. Go ahead and live your life. Be a success. Enjoy your freedom. It may hurt to be alone but do trust that God saved you from a tormented life of haram. Because you are free from your ex, you can now live a halal life. Don't ruin the goodness you have by trying to figure out how to hurt them. They are already damaged people. On the Day of Judgement, they will have to face Allah for what they've done.
He can't look at you because you are too good for him. Like partners with like. The two of them are better suited for each other. Alhumdulillah. Really say, "alhumdulillah". He couldn't stay with you because you were almost like two different species; a cow can't have a donkey as a mate. Natural selection is in the human race as well. His inability to be with you isn't hate. He is repelled by your goodness because it's too good for him. The light of Islam hurts his darkness and shows him how far he's fallen away from you.
You don't have control over him, her, or your children. You only have control over yourself. Be the best YOU that you can be. You are absolutely right to read Quran. Alhumdulillah you know how to go to The Source to find your peace.
Never again love a man so completely. That me-to-you relationship is not what you need. What's better is me-to-God and God-to-you connection. Don't love any man again except through Allah.
Go to God and ask for a good man. Being alone is not advisable. It's OK to tell God that you want a partner who will respect you and honor you. If you are meant to have another husband, then he is already out there for you. You need only ask God for him.
The family party is a hard situation. The way I deal with my interactions with AbuBoo is that I remember him ONLY as my son's father. The man I once loved so deeply is gone. Literally, that man is dead to me. No, I don't wish that AbuBoo is dead. Alhumdulillah he's alive and able to be a good (albeit much reduced) influence on his son.
Alhumdulillah your children are able to enjoy a special time with both of their parents. Let that wish for them propell you forward to goodness (not revenge). Ask Allah to protect you that day. Keep rememberance of Allah. Be gracious. Enjoy as much as you can. It will come to an end at the end of the night and then you can go home to your peaceful life.
And alhumdulillah it really is as peaceful as you allow it to be.
Thanks for asking me to remind you. You actually knew all this before. Inshahallah you can stay positive and make good choices for staying happy and healthy now and in the future.