My pity party has been cancelled.
I was going to hold it today.
Because I took a day off from work to figure out why I'm still bleeding after the IUD insertion. That's a month of bleeding (which adds to the two others months of bleeding in July and August due to the miscarriage and recovery). Turns out that I might be bleeding istahada; non-menstrual blood for the next two months as well. It is taking my Mirena IUD time to settle into my system. Five years ago, I didn't have that problem so it's a big bad surprise. It's really hard to imagine five months of bleeding in one year. The sonar and the exam show that I'm OK alhumdulillah. I'll be on Kapron to help my uterus from bleeding so much. It was important to take off work to find this out.
And that's another reason I was going to have a pity party: because work isn't all that anyway. There weren't enough KG1 students to form two classes and they've been trying to figure out how to add some older nursery students. It didn't work out and I no longer have a class. Sounds like I'll be floating between rooms as an ESL instructor until further notice.
Because I can't find anything in my kitchen now that my hub "reorganized it".
Oh! And there's one more reason---
Because I called my mom to find that soft place to land and I was calling too early for her. She did listen to me though, alhumdulillah. Yet, when I tried be helpful and kind it was rebuffed. No, she wouldn't need me taking care of her if and when she gets an eye surgery. I hate when I can't ever just do something nice for my mom.
So, I went downstairs for dinner. I was grumbly the whole way down those three flights of stairs. Yes, I talked to myself. I was definitely inviting myself to the pity party!
So, saw the table with the plentiful food and stayed in my bad mood. I could do that. I could be in a foul mood if I liked. Other people in the world don't have food whereas I do---BUT I can stay misearable. It's my prerogative!
Then, I realized that my brother-in-law wasn't going to eat with us. He's been missing dinners these last nights. This isn't good. He refused dinner because his stomach is still hurting him. He has no wife to cajole him to eat so I tried my best. It didn't work. I tried to get him just to sip some broth from the vegetable soup but he wouldn't. He went off to work all night in the factory with nothing to sustain him except for his fear of failure. He can't fail.
As an aside, let me remind everyone that the Egyptian Revolution destroyed this man's life. He was a successful salesman in an Arcadia shop. When Friday the 28th of January came, he escaped downtown Cairo's biggest mall barely ahead of the looters. He could have been killed. The entire mall burned down. There is nothing left for him and for many others. Astragferallah. So, for everyone who cheers the accomplishments of the Arab Spring, please remember there's an Arab Fall as well. It's colder and holds less promise for men like my brother-in-law whose fate is to remain without the funds necessary to secure his own life much less a bride.
I ate my food after that. Somehow it wasn't that much fun to have a pity party while a very thin man had to leave for work without any. As I ate, I looked at his full bowl of soup sitting untouched and wished for him to feel better soon.
When it came time to clear the table, I got a shock. For some reason, as I was in pity party mode, I didn't see the right side of the gedda's face. I had only seen her left. There was this swelling around her eye. It was swollen shut actually.
The whole day she'd been baking bread. She made three large circles for me to make pizzas for Mr. Boo. She suffered through the work and the heat of the ovens. She did it because people want to eat. She's been doing this her whole life. She's been doing the work because somebody has to. There's no time for her to contemplate if her life pleases her or not. There's not an over-analyzing of her angst. She simply lives out her days.
I got into "Dr. Yosra" mode. It's partially a joke (since the local doctor is name Dr. Yusri) but it's got some truth in it as I'm the highest educated person in the family and the one with some medical info. I got a warm cloth to apply to her eye. I asked my sister-in-law to dispense some breastmilk which I could then use with a dropper.
You know about that, right? Breastmilk subhanallah is actually an antibiotic. There are LIVE antibodies in human breastmilk. If you see an eye infection within your family, you don't have to rush to the doctor. Just as for a liquid contribution from your nearest lactating sister-in-law.
So, I'm administering this aid to hamati; my mother-in-law and it hits me. Subhanallah that I felt sadness when my mother said I couldn't help her with a possible eye operation YET that SAME NIGHT...actually within an hour...I'm given the opportunity to help my husband's mom. Subhanallah with HER EYE.
That did it.
Pity party is cancelled. There is no rain check. We simply shouldn't organize them. There's too many other things to do and too many other people who deserve them better---though they don't. They don't so why should we?
No. We shouldn't.
Let's crumple up our invites and move on with our days and nights.