Tuesday, September 18, 2012

1st Day of School

Asalamu Alaykom,

This morning I had the awful task pleasure of greeting the new students and their parents.  It's a hard day to seperate little ones from home.  It's hard.  It's hard on me and hard on parents but hardest on the kids.  Subhanallah how they can adjust and enjoy the day.  Alhumdulillah.

The school arranged for SpongeBob, balloons, tunes on a synthesizer and candy.  I tried to keep all of that out of my class.  I only needed some quiet enthusiasm and time to teach.  Alhumdulillah they were participating immediately---except for the one guy who fell asleep (there's always one).

Right now, I gave a call to my big boy.  Tomorrow Mr. Boo's brother leaves for college.  Mashallah, that boy applied with 32,000 others and only 3,000 were allowed in.  Mr. Boo might be my heart but that big boy of mine was my soul.

I absolutely poured myself into him.  I made him into the ultimate project.  I read to him in both English and Spanish, danced and drummed to world beats, took him to art, history and science museums and watched Mr. Rogers together with him.  I felt that I had a chance to create an amazing child.

In many ways, that boy young man is exactly who I hoped he would be.  In some ways, he's better.  In a few ways I'm still hopeful for another time when he has additional understanding.  I hope that he comes to Islam.  I hope that he avoids the pitfalls of teenage excess during the first time away from home.  Inshahallah.

I called him but he didn't answer.  That's never easy.  I left one of those rambling mom messages.  I ended up close to tears---silly me.

"Do you remember," I asked my big boy, "when I walked you to kindergarten for the first time?  I had made chalk pictures on the sidewalk the whole way there for you to see."

I paused.

"I can't do that this time on your way to college," and I imagined the route through four states and chalk art heading down the interstate.

"But," I added, "if I could then I would."

I finished the call before I lost it.

There wasn't any SpongeBob or balloons.  Yet, I know that my little big boy is seperating from me and ...alhumdulillah.

May Allah protect all the children starting school this year and reward the teachers who work diligently for their benefit.


egyptchick7 said...

When my father left me when I was 10 to go to Egypt and marry another woman ( his 5th wife!) and she born a pair of twins, a boy and a girl,my father said Allah gave him those two to sorta replace me and my brother...Regardless of ALL of that- and the chaos that ensued in his absence- I still forgave him and loved him as if he never left. Never begrudged him etc. But, some of my friends never understood how I had this open heart. Sometimes my heart is a big weakness... My brother hasn't forgiven after 18 years...

Inshallah your son and daughter will forgive. But realize the hurt and apologize if you can and try to make them understand.Don't give up on them...their hearts will turn from stone...

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom EgyptChick,

I remember your family history and the fracture it has. Maybe all families have this in one way or another. So, there are simmilarities.

Forgiveness is a great thing. For me, I don't feel that I need any additional appologies with my older children. They got from me what they could and they got a lot---most of it good and may God forgive me for any bad.

Astragferallah, we parents do our best and we all fail to greater and lesser degrees. When you are a parent, inshahallah, EgyptChick, you will get more perspective on how HARD it is to live as a caregiver. There are some difficult choices to make. I've made mine AND I'm at peace with what I've done. I know that I had to move on...and not for a man but for my life and the life of their younger brother.

The two of them were fine with their dad. He had the house and the stability with extended family and I had nothing. I literally had nothing in the U.S. to help them to the point where I couldn't even help myself. So, I came to Egypt.

Honestly, my attempts at staying close to them weren't working whether I was in their same city or not. It wasn't a time for us and that was God's plan. I saw the doors shut and the impossibility of me being close to them in their teen years. It hurt but it was true. So, not everything is from my side of the equation.

The seperation, by the way, is inevitable. I am no longer the mom to a high school boy but rather to a college man. Alhumdulillah.

As for my girlie...she will always be my girlie whether she likes it or not. She would have teen angst no matter where I was living. So, my location is not truly determining our relationship. Location doesn't really ever dictate the love, does it?

Love you from Egypt!

Take care :)