Wednesday, August 29, 2012

My Life Only Makes Sense When...

Asalamu Alaykom,

I'm back to work.  Alhumdulillah.

It's those early days when nothing makes sense.  I got the wrong time and place to catch my bus.  I can't figure out where the unlocked bathrooms are.  I don't actually know how to pronounce my boss' name.   Job titles don't really reflect what the job duties entail.

Oh!  And I'm sleep deprived---of course...because it's Egypt.  Mr. Boo is at home and got in a three-hour nap yesterday which meant he was NOT interested in sleeping on time last night.

Alhumdulillah.  Life is good.  No, really it is.  When nothing makes sense, I still need to sit back and say, "Alhumdulillah."  Then, miraculously, I do feel some composure.

There's a quote I read recently and I really wish I could share it with you----but I can't find it now!  It's lost amongst all my sample books in my Kindle.  It's from C.G. Jung.

C.G. Jung was always my mom's hero.  He was a Swiss psychologist/psychiatrist and a contemporary of Freud.  Jung believed that unlocking our dreams was key to understanding ourselves.  So, throughout my childhood I was encouraged to remember my dreams upon waking.  My mom and I would talk them over.  She would write hers down.  She even went a step further and talked them out to a Jungian analyst.  I would go with her to the appointments and play on the sand table.

I resisted, therefore, knowing anything about Jung.  When we have someone in our sphere who lays special claim to a talent, a knowledge or a love we often steer clear of it.  Lately, I'm appreciating him more.

I tweeted his quote, "The majority of my patients consisted not of believers but of those who had lost their faith."

Here's the one which really grabs me.  C.G. Jung said in his later years that his life only made sense when viewed through the centuries.

That makes absolute sense to me.  I feel that my life will inshahallah make a positive difference in the world.  I need to feel that!  However, I always thought it had to be NOW.  I had to push myself to complete all tasks by the end of my life.  At the age of 44, I felt like time was clicking and I had to start hurrying up.  The wisdom from C. G. Jung has me calming down.

Alhumdulillah, Ramadan's clarity helped me to see that truth.  Remember, that at Ramadan we shouldn't only open ourselves up to the truth found in The Quran.  We can find truth in many places.

Honestly, the difference I'm making in the world is happening all over the world.  It's my children I've got in America and my boy I've got in Egypt.  It's all the children I've taught.  It's the readers I've got on this blog.  It's the people I've met.  It's even the people I've never met but who've seen me and then have to admit that Islam is not only for brown people.

When I think that my little drop in the pond of life will ripple outwardly for hundreds of years then I feel that I can rest in peace---even while I'm alive.  I don't need to do it all within the time limits of my physical frame.  I have a spirit which truly will live on after my body is done.  Inshahallah who I have been on this earth will remain among the people and places and will make sense eventually.

It just might take a few centuries.


Marie Vie said...

I like reading your thoughts Yosra, it is so true. But I tend to want for things to happen just right now. It seems I can't wait centuries. But this comes to remind me I should be patient, for one day, when my heart will rest in peace and my mind will wander I will be able to see the footprints I made on the ground. There is a time for everything and maybe now is the time to leave small marks, even if we don't see them and even if they are only drops in the infinity.

Take care dear and keep sharing these inspiring thoughts. At least they always leave me with even more peace in my life.

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Marie,

Awww you said something so NICE! If you get some more peace from what I write then that's a really great thing. Alhumdulillah.

I loved your line, "drops in infinity". I thought of writing, "ocean" instead of "pond" when I talked about the ripple effect our lives have. However, the ocean is too busy coming and going to show the effect of a drop. Infinity! Nice imagery :)

I hear you about the "right now". Living in Egypt you divorce yourself from such silly notions ;) There is NO right now. Everyone else is inshahallah-ing everything. So, you cope. You don't cope well at first but you cool your jets eventually. I think I'm less driven than I used to be. I want my energy level to remain accessible but not explosive. Burning out is so possible when you want it all done NOW. So, I'm burning out less alhumdulillah and letting go of some of the need to control.

Thanks for writing :)

Love and Light!