Sunday, February 5, 2012

Agony Aunt: Getting Over Heartbreak

In America, we had "Dear Abby" to answer personal and perplexing questions in our daily newspaper.

In England, they call those advice columnists, "Agony Aunts".  Truly it is a kind of agony to have a burning question and not know the answer.  It's often embarrassing to discuss with friends.  It's not enough of a problem to seek professional help.  Who can you turn to for help?


Okay, so I'm not a pefect fit for the job.  As William Hung so elegantly said during his American Idol audition," I have no professional training."

But I'm here.  I'll listen and I'll offer up what, inshahallah, is good advice.

Here's my first question:

Assalam-o-alaikum Yosra!

I would really appreciate if you could give me a little advice on dealing with heartbreak. 

When one wants answers but cannot get them and the pain gets too overwhelming. I know and understand that whatever Allah wills is the best for us. 

It astonishes me how people can change, not caring for the others. I'm very emotional, I guess, that makes accepting reality more difficult.



Wa Alaykom Asalam Khaki,

First I really want to commend you for reaching out when you are not feeling well.  Too many people are silently sad.  I do think it's better to get the upset out---not rant and rave but to speak one's mind and solve the problems of a broken heart.

A broken heart is usually the case when you've given your heart to someone who didn't deserve it in the first place.  You entrusted it to a man who didn't want it actually.  You thought he did but he didn't.  He didn't want all of you.  It's not that he changed, it's that you didn't see the truth in the first place.  If he had wanted all of you then you'd still be together.  He wanted to pick and choose parts of you to enjoy and then when he was done, he stopped.

That doesn't make him a horrible person.  He is who he is.  Find the things in him which you enjoyed and learned from and be thankful for what you had.  It wasn't everything.  If you are not together, then he is not your naseeb.

You are wanting answers and the answer is:  he is not your naseeb.  Alhumdulillah.  Keep remembering Allah at this time.  Make your heart so full of rememberance of Allah that this man actually gets pushed out of your memory.

When you make sujud, that humbling time when your head is lower than your heart, ask Allah to remove this man from your heart.  Ask Him to forgive you when you gave...though you shouldn't have.  Ask Allah to be merciful towards you for being weak with this man.  Ask Allah to make you stronger and less willing to submit to a man (because a man will never love you the way that Allah will).  Pour out your heart and empty it of all the pain and sorrow. 

Alhumdulillah, you are still here.  You are still open to love and still able to be loved.  Inshahallah you will be smarter the next time.  You will see the truth more and give away less.

Until that time, get out of the house and seek Allah in His beautiful creation.  Get close to nature and see how subhanallah amazing the clouds are, how perfect each flower petal is and how industriously the bees gather nectar.  Remember that you are a part of God's creation and He created you perfectly.  He knows each blade of grass and he knows you too.  Be comforted by knowing that, though the relationship didn't end well, you are not a mistake.  You are much loved!  God closed that door for you so another door could open.

May Allah grant our sister better than she wishes for herself.


khaki said...

Assalam-o-alaikum Yosra!
JazakAllah for this beautiful post. It really is helpful..:) Love to you. Mash'Allah, you have this wonderful ability to understand. May Allah bless you.

Yosra said...

Wa Alaykom Asalam Khaki,

Alhumdulillah you found something helpful in what I wrote. Wallahi, I wrote it with love so I'm glad you felt that :)

May Allah bless you and grant you a time of healing.

Salma @ Chasing Rainbow said...

Oh my, why did this post touch me in the way it did? I've been through it...happy to be out of it...sad that I know all about it.

Salam sis, and thank you.

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Salma,

Did you remember that moment or moments when you couldn't believe that life could go on with HIM?

It's sad in a way that we ever put ourselves in that moment but truth be told: we did it to ourselves, right?

Alhumdulillah our most loved guys now are our sons and the men in our lives are only a part of our lives and not the reason for living.

Love to you and yours!