This is why I falter in my Islam:
My blog gets mentioned by a sister who was trying to prove a point about making hijrah. She referenced me and another one.
Normally, I would feel a kind of happiness that a sister found what I wrote to be worth passing on to others.
However, a brother thought differently. It might even be the anonymous brother who tried to challenge me in my comments section. Allahu alim. The brother wasn't pleased with my efforts. He wrote:
Sister, I think you need to see for yourself what is in the second website. I know you linked it because its supposedly written by an American revert living in Egypt, but some of the things written there are pure garbage. I'm not going to repost anything written there but you should check it out before recommending it.
And then when she came back to say that she mentioned it for the hijrah referrences, he decided to lash out again:
There is nothing helpful or practical in regards to Hijrah from what I saw, only ramblings from an obviously confused individual making dangerous statements which called into question the state of her Islam.
So, I've now joined their forum and written the moderators that this speech, while free, is devoid of adab Muslim ettiquette. He is questioning whether or not I really am Muslim. He calls my efforts garbage. He name calls and ridicules. And of course lobs the big one: I might be a bad Muslim.
I don't like Muslims who do these things. They have lost something along the way...like a heart connection to others. He wants to "out" me as a suspect Muslim; somebody who isn't really like him (because of course he's better than me). No, I don't want Muslims like this to rule over me, my thoughts or my words.
I had a choice tonight. I could have read his attack and slunk silently away. Instead, I chose to publish what's going on.
There was another time on the 'net when a fellow blogger wanted to "out" me as a bad Muslim. It really hurt at the time because I had prayed for this woman's sanity and for the safety of her children. I had spent countless hours being her friend---no, really her sister. In the end, she walked away from a lot of what I still hold on to. I don't blame her yet she blamed me. How could I keep talking about Islam if I wasn't a better Muslim?
Better than whom?
Is there some kind of test I need to take in order to speak about Islam? Islam is the perfect religion for imperfect people. I have never ever claimed to be a the perfect Muslim.
Is there some special formula I need to calculate with the right amount of hadiths per square inch? That's not how I roll.
I am who I am.
I was created by Allah.
I am here for purposes which no one else can perform except me.
I might as well keep doing what makes sense to me, even if it doesn't make sense to others.
I'll tell you what: my biggest troubles over the years haven't been between me and Allah; they've been between me and other people. I am the saddest when I realize how many Muslims continue to disparage other Muslims; to be the crabs in the barrel who keep crawling on top of the others (thus pulling everyone down).
It makes me sad until I remember that I'm not a slave to them and their whims. I'm a servant of The Almighty. Really! You seriously can't question this unless you want to sound like an idiot.
There was a battle raging and an enemy soldier was at the end of a sword held by the sahabi; Companions of The Prophet (pbuh). The enemy soldier said, "There is no other God than God and Muhammad is a Messenger." That's the shahaddah; the Muslim oath of faith. It's simple. It's succinct. Yet, the man was killed because the Muslim soldier didn't believe him.
What did The Prophet say?
You killed a believer. Never doubt the oath.
"I testify that there is no other God than God and that Muahammad is a Messenger."
Whether I'm good or bad is not for you to judge. Being a judge of my faith makes you as bad as the sahabi who was chastised by Rasullulah (pbuh). Being a judge of my faith actually makes you guilty of shirk because you are acting as if you have some kind of power akin to God. Astragferallah. Let go that assumed responsibility.
There's room in the world for all kinds of messengers of Islam. There are so many different cultures and languages, experiences and expectations. Go ahead and be one kind of messenger. I'll be a different kind. We can spread Islam in ways which reach more minds and hearts.
Why be scared that my message is wrong? If it's wrong for you, maybe it is right for someone else.
Can I truly ever damage Islam with who I am and what I say? Then your vision of Islam is limited---very, very limited.