Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Scared as a Rabbit

Alhumdulillah I fasted yesterday and was able to get in touch with some of my core beliefs and feelings.

I am not here due to allegiance to country, to a man or to a job.  I am here in Egypt on hijrah.  I am staying here because I have allegiance to Allah.  I will stay safe but not blindly obedient to those who tell me I'm safe.  I will follow my instincts. 

Yes, I have been as scared as a rabbit.  Rabbits know how to hide and to be very, very still and infinitely quiet but they also know when to run away.  I've had to question myself about what I want to do.

Yesterday, I argued with my boss.  Usually not a smart thing to do...okay...probably never a smart thing to do.  She had told me to come into work the following day.  I refused.  Yesterday was not a day I could cope with that since I would still have to pass by tanks and soldiers in the Square.  I had not left the house for a week.  She asked if she needed to look for another teacher.  That hurt. 

"I stayed.  I didn't run away.  I've been building a life here for a year and a half," I said.

"Maybe you wanted to go home," she stated.

"This is my home!  I have no other home," I countered.

It's true.  This is my home.

My husband had gone to Cairo for the day.  He had lied and told me that he was only going to be in Giza but he had to return to Arcadia Mall--or what is left at Aracadia (which isn't much after the fire).  He was very upset at seeing the destruction himself.  People died that night.  The people who survived have to ...what do they have to do?

My boss' answer is that we have to push ourselves back to normal life.  I don't agree.  I think we need to keep following our feelings and instincts; using common sense.

"Miss," I pressed her, "two weeks ago, if I had told you that there was shooting a half a mile away from the school, you would have been very concerned.  Now, because of all that's happened you are discounting the danger."

There is still an element of danger.  We all feel like anything could happen.  So, how do you live with that? 

I think you ease back into life; no pushing.  You slowly emerge back into an outer existence.

So, today we went out for the first time as a family since Thursday, January 27.  I know everyone acts like the Revolution started on the Tuesday the 25 but it didn't impact our life until that Thursday night.  I have left the house with my husband twice but we did not feel comfortable taking my son out these past 11 days.  My little bundle of energy has been able to get outside on the roof and only to the the shop on the corner and back.

Today would be the day we'd go out. I said the prayer of protection I always say when leaving the house, "May Allah protect us from hurting anyone.  May Allah protect against anyone hurting us.  Ameen."

There was no need for the big stick. 

It felt strange to trust again.

We walked our usual route to get tumaya for breakfast.  Nothing had really changed.  Less people out.  Less cars.  The Pyramids and the Sphinx and were still closed; so are the tourist shops. 

On the way back, my husband knew I had to see more of our usual places so he took me through to the local market.  There were all the ladies in from the countryside with their produce.  We bought some zucchini.

And there was a basket of RABBITS!  I've been wanting a rabbit for my boy since last year.  I'm allergic to cats (and Islamically dogs in the house are a no-no) so this has always seemed like a good alternative. 

The funny thing is that you don't buy a pet; you buy meat.  So, the big rabbit was two kilos and around 35 LE but the little cute bunny was only 1 kilo and we paid 20 LE for it.  I know...it's silly to spend money on something which has another mouth to feed but it felt so good to buy him...her...let's say it's a him.

Robbie Rabbit!  Mr. Boo picked out the name.  That's Robbie's picture at the top of the post.  He's had a shampoo and nails clipped.  He's sitting on my lap as I type.

After all my petting and cuddling of this new pet, my husband had to ask, "Who is that pet for really?"

In many ways, this pet is for all of us.  It reconfirms that this is our home.  This is a place for love, happiness and peace.



Londoneya said...

I'm glad you guys are safe and there is nothing like belief to get us through this inshaAllah.

TwinCities Lynn said...

Rabbits are the perfect pet for a young child, my son had one when he was 5. You can litter box train them and they are so fun. I imagine having him has helped your little one feel a little calmer and safer. I am glad you are able to continue to post here, I check for updates nightly. Hugs and happy thoughts for all of you.

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Londoneya,

Thanks for reading and commenting. I liked your first comment so come back and leave positivity any time you wish :)

Asalamu Alaykom TC Lynn,

Good to hear! The rabbit purchase was not an impulse (since I've been scoping out the markets for a nice one this past year). However, once you get a little fuzzy fellow home you do kind of go, "Hmmmm...didn't think about all the details like food, water, a place to be contained, the poop and pee on the floor."

OK, so I did go on-line (thanks, internet) and read some info. I haven't quite understood HOW to litter train the guy. The pee is the only downside right now.

Otherwise, it's been very calming for me but LOL at my boy. My boy thinks he has to imprint the bunny with how to hop so he's been hopping all over the house driving me nuts (or nuttier). Hopefully, today will be calmer. Inshahallah.

Thanks for checking on me :) I might need to take a day off or two coming up soon so I can collect my thoughts again. If that happens (1-3 days) don't worry.

I do have a partnership blog with Ben on www.yosraben.blogspot.com (which Ben is neglecting as he tries to make a book deadline) If you ever feel like, "OMG where is she? Did they lock her up?" you can check over there. Ben, no doubt would blog that occurence. Also, if the cells and 'net go out, I have a deal with Ben to blog by proxy at that site. Keep it in mind :) Hopefully, I'll keep pluggin' away here (when I'm not cleaning up black peppercorns from the floor...at least I think that's what those things are...)