Tuesday, May 5, 2009

We Are Family





Asalamu Alaykom,




I love X2. I do.

But this is now the most freeing love. I don't fear I'll lose him. I don't get tight with a possessive craziness. I don't try to fix him. I simply love him.

We spent Sunday together as a family. Me, him, Mr. Boo and my girlie (my older boy finked out so he could hang with his friends). And you know what? This was so easy. I had planned the day with my two younger kids, but had only alerted AbuBoo to it. As I was picking up my girlie, I then gave him a call and he agreed to be ready in 15.

I love that! I love that spontaneity without question.

The mood was sunny and carefree. There were laughs and smiles and fun.

When I finally figured out where he lived (hadn't known before), I could spot him in his usual mode: on the phone.

"He's lost weight!" said my pre-teen, who was once a Baba's girl. And he has lost a ton of weight. He's busy all day doing heavy lifting and very little eating.

Really? I was in total lust for him when he was beefy and bearded.

Now?

It's not a lust thing. It's a love thing.

We headed to the May Day parade. Tons of people surrounding us on our walk to the route. In the past, I've been sad thinking, "They think we are a family, but we're not. If only they knew..." 

Now?

I know we are family. No family is ever as, "normal," as it should be. But every family is as great as you make it. We are a great family.

We stood there together and united. We were connected and close. We were watching the alternative society and maybe felt more at home with people who don't fit into, "normal,"either. Those people just WERE who they WERE.

And I thought, as AbuBoo held his son high to see, how hard it would have been without those strong arms. I didn't need a man to make the day complete, but I enjoyed having him along with us.

We joked on the way back to the car. Running. The girls trying to catch the boys. My girlie knew everything we've been through---well, not everything but a lot of it. She knew the hardship and could feel the ease.

"See, Sweetie," I said. "We don't have to hate each other. We can still have a kind of love and respect."

She doesn't feel this with me and her dad. I found out she didn't have school the next day and she began to beg me for a sleepover. I called and her dad said, "No." Spontaneity is not that guy's strong suit.

Later, she called me and told me how her dad had said that I, her mother, was not, "reliable enough." She was so upset and I could only calm her with, "He can say what he wants but it doesn't change who I am. He can't change our fun day."

And it had been fun. Before we had brought her back, we had stopped at McDonald's for ice cream cones. We ended up getting fries and chicken strips too. As I drove, AbuBoo shoved fries in my mouth---making everyone laugh; including me with a mouthful of salty, greasy potatoes. We all laughed again when Mr. Boo started wearing his chocolate more than eating it.

But, I left the best part for last.

Don't image I am talking about lingering looks or slight touches. Nope! I'm not after that now. I'm in such a good place with him, alhumdulillah that I am really talking about something so much better.

I talked with Mr. Boo's grandma. Not my mom. His other grandma---in Egypt. That's who AbuBoo had been on the phone with when we picked him up. I had not heard her voice since 2006. I had not been able to talk to her all this time. I had sent messages to her through my ex and through my former sister-in-law, but I had not actually spoken with her.

AbuBoo put me on the phone. I could tell her in Arabic that she was Mama before and she is Mama now. I love her. I love her husband, who died almost two years ago. I told her that when, inshahallah, we come to Egypt, I want to go to the land where he is and pray (I didn't know the word for, "cemetary," in Arabic).

It was so healing.

She got to hear Mr. Boo say, "Asalamu Alaykom," and sing the Spiderman song. She got to tell him how much she loves him.

She even got to talk to my girlie, who was only five the first time they talked.

Yes, my former husband is married to another woman but he is still family with us. His current wife can be the one to wonder, worry, and (try to) possess. I will simply enjoy like I did on Sunday.

Alhumdulillah.


1 comment:

Colleen said...

Salaams Yosra - Wow, you had a pretty incredible day! It sounds like you all had so much fun and that is just wonderful. And talking to Mr. Boo's grandmother...I can just read the excitement in your words. I do hope you will be able to see her when you go to Egypt. Family is just so important. My MIL died 12 days before I was suppose to come back to Egypt with my son. I still have so much guilt over it. My FIL is still alive and I know how much he wants to see my son, along with the rest of the family. And I still think of them as MY family, not the stbex's.

Insha'Allah, I hope you have many many more days like this.

Salaams and Hugs!