Friday, March 13, 2009

Supper Over

Supper over and dishes washed

Nothing left but a piece of squash!

from the song Old Dan Tucker
in the books from Laura Ingalls Wilder

The evening is over. I did go to a wonderful home with a wonderful family and had wonderful food. There was really too much food: mashy, okra, salad, chicken, lamb, and my favorite macaroni with bechamel. Soooo delicious that I protested but still ate everything on my plate. What is it with Egyptians? They force-feed others with such delight! Really, I never feel so overfed as I do with these people. I love them though. They are so fun.

What else do you want to hear? Oh, yes! The man! I had accepted the invite for dinner before I even understood there was going to be a man. It was not just any man but a close relative of my sweet friend. That is awkward. It is also tantilizing in that it seems like destiny knocking at your door.
How was he? Honestly, I could not look at him very much. I saw him when he walked in. Yes, he looks younger than his 50+ years, mashahallah. It was just too uncomfortable to make eye contact and I'm normally at ease.
You know who I really fell in love with? His daughter! She's this gorgeous teen. Oh, my! She is just adorable! She and I talked a lot. I know she was interviewing me for the vacancy left open when death intervened. She looked me in the eye and said, "I was praying for my dad to find someone."
I know she hoped that she was looking at the answer to her prayers. That hurt me because I didn't feel that I was. I did offer to take her out practice driving so she could get her license. I'm good at this and I felt for her.
After I reached home, I got her call. She called me. I told the girl how my son had said about her, "I miss her so much," as I was buckling him in his carseat.
I wondered if I had left something at the house. No. She wanted to explain her dad more to me. She wanted it to work if at all possible.

In many ways, I am too sensitive for this. I hurt for her. No, I don't want to sacrifice myself for her chance at happiness, or his chance to dispel loneliness. I hear her heart.

I can't imagine saying, "yes". I don't feel the connection. I don't feel the communication. I'm not attracted in any way. I almost hate to list the reasons, as I truly do respect this man and his interest to marry again. He is a good man.
In other words, he did not ask about any clothing size.
He did say that he doesn't like movies. He actually has a lot of disdain for them. That's not me. I love movies. Right? Wrong? Don't know. But it's my truth. I imagine my man will be able to sit down on the couch with a big bowl of popcorn between us and enjoy a show.
So, I'm looking for the man in between: the moderate Muslim. The man who will do his prayers but will still go out and enjoy what the world offers.
Inshahallah, I have a job interview next week with a placement agency. If accepted, they will help me find a job teaching English overseas. I have slated a preferrence for the Middle-east.
The most important man to me is Mr. Boo. I simply have to keep us afloat by any means necessary. I am truly the only one he can count on. Sad, but true. No matter how I feel about not having a man to love as a husband, I still have a little man who is dependent on me making the right choices for the both of us.
May Allah guide all of us to the straight path.


RodeoIsBack said...

Salam alaikum.
Connection and movies? This is what you come up with?

My husband doesn't like half of what I do, and there was no "connection" between us when we met.
We've been happily married 23 years, mashallah.

His deen was strong, and so was mine. Equally matched.

That is what matters. The rest of it? We built it together, growing along the way.

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Rodeo,

Alhumdulillah you have a successful marriage. I am truly happy for you.

What makes a successful marriage? I guess that's different for different people.

Connection for me means communication. He didn't understand me. He didn't get my jokes. That is crucial for me.

Movies. What did that mean for me? It meant that he was very strict in his Islam. It meant that I would not have wiggle room to enjoy my life. Again: crucial.

I understand why you don't get what I wrote. It's OK. The important thing is that I get what I wrote.

I called today and declined.

RodeoIsBack said...

Assalamu alaikum,

I really don't think that anyone 'gets' another person on the first meeting, especially with all the stress. That takes time, and committment.

No movies = very strict and no wiggle room to enjoy your life? Hyperbole much?

I've followed your blogs for awhile.
I do wish you success in finding a good decent husband, but I also think some things are a bit out there.
To each his own.

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Rodeo,

Almost didn't print your comment.

Why? I don't like snarkism.

I am fine with having you here to read my thoughts, as long you understand how I'm fine with my thoughts. I might not understand everything in this vast universe, but I know who I am.

Faith Confusion said...

Even a small thing such as him saying he doesn't like movies, some could say you were being petty but it would become a big thing after a while. Someone closer to your age group may enjoy more of the things you enjoy doing, and you may find similar views.
I am glad you had a nice time with his daughter though.