Thursday, June 15, 2006

Let Your Light Shine

Tonight I walked with the fireflies. I hadn't seen them so plentiful since I was a three-year-old. I actually remember them that summer. Some of my earliest memories are from that field research trip with my father.
Fireflies are Subhanallah! All the glittering in the grass. Once here and now there. And you can't see the ugly bug. All you can see is the shine and shimmer. It was mesmerizing.
And like a woman in a trance, I walked down the path with my sleeping baby. The frogs were croaking and the crickets chirping. So calming. I could have wafted on the breeze over the waters.
But then I looked ahead and saw the clump of trees and started to fear. I truly was alone and unsafe. I wasn't really a part of the natural world. I was all too human and too vulnerable. I could be the prey for some sick man. I had to change my plan. I couldn't keep going.
I turned to the right and walked through the field. I was no longer going to walk around the lake. That doesn't mean I didn't get to experience the beauty before me. I certainly did. I just had to admit that my well being was more important than finishing a course and crossing an arbitrary finish line. No one told me, that once I started walking, I had to go all the way around the lake. No. That was my own agenda. Sometimes, we have to stop ourselves from continuing what doesn't make sense anymore.
It wasn't a bad initial plan. I wasn't stupid. No need to beat myself up for the attempt. When more information became apparent, the right choice became clearer. One of my favorite Oprah lines is, "When you knew better, you did better."
Though, it feels a bit like I've failed because I didn't do what I set out to do. But, it's good to remember that I truly set out to do what was best. That's what I wanted. I didn't really want to do something wrong!
So, if you find yourself in a bad spot, remember that it's not where you are suppose to be and get out. Even if you feel embarrased for getting into the mess. Or even if you feel mad that it shouldn't be that way. It is! I want to live my life, not live the problems. Don't you?
The fireflies don't sit around with their lights turned off, talking about their issues. No! They get their butts out there and dance around in the moonlight. They're out there showing off their amazing talent and God-given attributes. And that's what I should be doing and so should you.
Next time you want to sit around and dissect your existance, remember that you are only an ugly bug on a leaf unless you turn it on and shine forth.

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