Friday, February 27, 2009

Surviving the Moment

We can look at those who live through an earthquake, a fire, or a hurricane and say, "WOW! That person is a real survivor!"

However, there are other times which are just as tough to live through. Amazingly, those of us who have been grieving the recent death of a little girl got through the first days with fearless faith. Somehow we all managed to place her body in the grave and to walk away. Subhanallah! Subhanallah.

What we are finding now is that the normal days are hurting us. Something huge happened in our lives and we know we cannot go back to an everyday routine without feeling strange. Even this morning, when Mr. Boo got his bath, he played with the toys from that August birthday party, which was the last time we saw Yasmine.

I was going to get together with my lovely friend and her daughters when they were up here visiting in December. I didn't. I was all wrapped up in a new romance and we never connected. We never saw Yasmine again. I had no way of knowing.

It's that feeling of weightiness for every decision. That is what is making my every move feel important and almost unable to begin.

I don't have a job.

I only have enough money for one month's rent.

The man I was talking to, well he actually had promised to pay for my apartment, since we were engaged. Yes, we were. Were. It's done. While I was in the sun, he was in the snow and the difference made him see things with different eyes. Coming back didn't change his view of me and of course I could never marry someone who doesn't see my truth.

These are my days for not praying or fasting. I am needing to be smart with my time and energy as they are limited. I need to survive this moment.

And sometimes, moments are as tough to get through as any storm.


Anonymous said...

Asalamu Alaikum yosra,
could you get a paypal account so that some of your brothers and sisters in the blogshere could help you out in this difficult time?

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Anonymous,

I appreciate your thought. It touches me, really. However, I don't feel it's, "me," to accept money this way.

Don't get me wrong! I love me some money! But, I don't think it's part of my life to accept it this way.

Money isn't the big issue anyway. It's getting a job. If everyone could make du'a for me to find suitable employment (meaning I get paid enough) that would be great.

I don't regret leaving the school job. Without leaving, I would never have been there for my lovely friend and her family.

Oh, and by the way, if I had been in Saudi and gotten this news?! I would not been able to do a thing.

Everything comes together the way it is supposed to, inshahallah.

Thanks again for showing you care.