Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Getting Clean

Cleanliness is a hallmark of Islam.


For me, getting clean is taking on a new meaning. I am seeing (today especially) how my efforts to get clean in this world make the dirty ugliness become more apparent.

See, when I accept mainstream culture at face value, without any examination, I fit in perfectly. I become one of the sheep following the herd. I laugh at crudeness. I gossip. I fill my heart with upset. I place clutter and chaos as the center of my home. Yet, somehow, I feel a surface-level of happiness in my lazy comfort.

When I decided that I had to get serious and wash away what was preventing me from getting to Jennah, it felt very good at first. Once again, I had a higher purpose. I could be a shepherd, instead of being part of the flock. I could be acceptable to the best, instead of hiding out with the worst.

This week, I'm starting to see, as I did before, that getting clean means realizing how dirty the world can be and how bad we can be to each other. That doesn't feel so good.

It's the same when I go to clean the countertops in the kitchen. They don't really have to get cleaned for me to get food ready. I can leave them. But, if I really get into a cleaning kick, then I scrub them and find out what color they were supposed to be. Then, I realize how the stove looks grimmy next to the clean countertop. I can't believe I didn't notice before! After that, I start in on the greasy side of the fridge. It feels like an endless, thankless job. It's easy to get a bit depressed when you feel overwhelmed by what you had once left lackidasically.

We will never be totally free from every mess and every mistake, but being better is every Muslim's goal. As I make the conscious choice to be better, I see who and what was actually worse for me than I imagined before. Ya, Allah! How did I make it through?

Only through Allah's mercy. Ar-Rahman! Ar-Raheem!


Umm Timo said...

Wow, SubanAllah I never looked at it that way, but it makes complete sense. I just started reading your blog yesterday and I am one of those people who can not put a good book down. So thanks to you, my kitchen is a mess, the laundry is not done, and the kids are running around like mad and I still have 3 years to read. I must say I love your honesty and attidtude. Some people would have been bitter about the Exes and sworn off men but you see the good and chose to stay in the game but with a higher purpose and a smarter outlook. May Allah SWT continue to guide you and protect you and your Mr. Boo.

Yosra said...

Asalamu Alaykom Umm Timo,

Thanks for reading and understanding. I like it when I get comments on old posts because it forces me to go back in time and remember where I was.

I wrote this while I still has an apartment in the U.S. I was struggling after walking away from a job. I was talking with a man from UAE who said he wanted to marry me. This was written on the 11th. On the 16th, my good friend lost her 6 yr. old daughter. So, five days after I wrote this I was on a plane to help her through the grief. Subhanallah.

It's funny to see how much I didn't know was going to happen. No apartment. No man. No money. It was the end of my life in America really.

LOL that you are in such a mess due to this blog. Alhumdulillah it's a good read. It's real. Yep, it's honest and thanks for commenting on it.

Bitter about X1, X2 and X3? Oh ya, I have actually had my moments of super sulk but I refuse to have a whole life of it. Men just aren't life controllers. Whoever is or isn't in a woman's life shouldn't change who she wants to be. As I used to say, "I'm half of a good marriage."

Alhumdulillah for where I am now. It's not perfect---none of it! But it is what I can truly claim that I've built from the ground up by being halal.

Ameen to your du'a. I look forward to more wonderful comments ---if possible :)

Light and Love!