Saturday, November 22, 2008

When You Can't Be Cool


Doncha hate it when you can't be cool?

Like...you know you are supposed to hang it all together and you put on your best game face, but the wrong thing gets said at the wrong time and...

you cry...

and you cry in public, when you are supposed to be happy...

but you don't feel happy and you loose it?
It was supposed to be a wedding shower. Simple.
Except.
The last wedding party I attended was mine.
A year ago.
I guess I'm not over it like I thought.
I prayed and then couldn't go back to the party.
It hurt.
If I had lost my husband to death, everyone would understand, but this? I don't think others are as compassionate.
The marriage didn't even last a year.
Living together didn't even go past four months.
But, the hope...
the hope was there,
the prayers were said,
and my love was fully given. I didn't hold back.
If you enter into life tenative and half-hearted, you experience a life which is tenative and half-hearted.
I live my life fully.
I cried tonight when I didn't know the tears were there.
I didn't know they were so many.
I walked home in the cold carrying the son from the marriage before.
Two very sad turns in my life.
Allah is the best of planners.

1 comment:

Brownie said...

i know how difficult it is and i tell u it is ok to cry and i am sure that u did ur best to make it work but it did not, Allah knows what is the better for u.
My prayers for u that u find peace and happiness ya Rab