Thursday, October 9, 2008

I Dreamed a Dream


Dreams are important.

L_Oman on Culture Shocked has a post about weird dreams.

While I was growing up, my mother was going through Jungian dream analysis. I'd accompany her there (as I did for every place she ever went...including R-rated movies like "Alice Doesn't Live Here Anymore," and "Harold and Maude"). While she delved into her psyche, I'd play with the sand table. It was fun, and at least age-appropriate.

My mother encouraged me to tell her my dreams and I learned over the years to remember my dreams very, very well. You have to really be still when you wake up and let the images drift from your subconscious to your conscious.

Last night, I had a dream of school and graduation and festivities and parties and pranks. In the midst of all the action, arrived Mr. Florida. I don't often dream of him. He was there, but I didn't care. I was involved with the other people with whom I had a real and immediate connection. They were all upbeat while he was somber. He was quiet too. I don't think we even talked.

I was rushing around, in this dream but at one point I caught my reflexion in a mirror. I was wearing a backless dress (nothing against Islam--that wasn't really an issue in the dream). All of a sudden, I saw that my back was all well-defined muscles. I was body builder intensely buff. When I saw that, I realized how proud I was of my strength that I didn't know I had. Nobody had to tell me I was strong. I could see and feel that I was.

It's an easy dream to figure out. I have found strength in my independence. I am finding a new group of people surrounding me at school. I will, inshahallah, become stronger through my work.

There is one more piece of info that brings it all together for me: I am almost done with this iddah. THIS NEVER-ENDING IDDAH is about to end. In truth, I felt like it had ended two months ago. But, the sheik here encouraged me to do the MOST time possible not the least.

Funny thing is that I've actually done over six months of iddah for Mr. Florida. Can you stand it? I barely can! We only lived together for three months, yet I've done over double that amount of time in iddah. Subhanallah! This time...no running back.

I'm not even running forward. I'm not running. I wore my heels to work...like...WORE THEM WALKING TO WORK which was as dumb a thing you can do as a non-blonde. My feet are aaaaching.

But apparently, not my back...because my back, mashahallah, is strong.

Alhumdulillah.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

You don't have to post this comment if you don't want to, but you said you wore heels. I thought heels are haram in Islam because they make the sound that draws attention and also make your "body parts" move more than they should suppose to....... what are your thoughts on this? You can ask the sheik about it though...

egyptchick7 said...

I personally don;'t understand your significance for Iddah. Heck, I don't even technically kno what it means besides " waiting period after divorce so you can get married again".

I hope you aren;t waiting for iddah to be done so you can rush to wed again, unless there is a whole other reason for its significance, i dunno.

Anyway, glad you are working in such a nasty economic climate. Instead of sulking about my 2 jobs, I should be uber-blessed to have them. Wishing you all the best with your kids(students)

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom Anonymous,

These shoes had chunky heels about an inch and a half. I just hate wearing real heels. Did they make a noise while I walked? Ya, they did. It that haram? Possibly. They didn't have bells on them! LOL! But, I am very cogniscent of what I wear when representing Islam. Did I move differently in them? Don't know. Towards the end, I was almost limping---is that sexy? I'm thinking that it probably is to some sicko. LOL!

You know what? I was trying NOT to wear my sandals (with socks). I was trying to wear closed-toe shoes. Sigh...try...I try...

Asalamalaykom EgyptChick,

Aw, now, there ya go! Always diggin in my brain! LOL! Why the anxiety around the iddah ending?

'Cause I hate to keep being on iddah. I'm not actually supposed to be going out having any fun. I'm not supposed to be that attractive in my clothes. I'm not allowed to talk to any single man who could desire me as a wife. I'm cloistered, in other words. I feel trapped and claustrophobic from being in limbo this way. I'll feel better when it's done and that tie is CUT.

I really SHOULD HAVE CUT IT IN JUNE but I was way stupid. The end of this iddah HOPEFULLY can mark the end of my extreme stupidity. At least, I could maybe just be normally stupid after this,inshahallah.