Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Ramadan 30: Goodbye to Fasting

September 30, 2008

Dear Ramadan,

Thank you so much for visiting me again this year. You have been a wonderful presence in my life as always. You know, before you came, I was worried if I'd have enough to properly honor you. Then, I came to remember how you are a very gracious guest who always gifts those fasting with special insight and fortitude.

I know we had our problems. I wasn't always as patient as I'd like to be, especially with those in my home who weren't fasting. Inshahallah, all my fasts will be accepted. I did what I could each day and next year, inshahallah, I hope to participate even better.

I want to thank you for really giving me that push I needed to wake for fajr every morning. It has made a positive difference in my life. Every day that starts with the early prayer, ends better that night, alhumdulillah.

Reading Quran has been so wonderful as well, alhumdulillah. It's kept me centered through all the changes. Today, I looked at the binding and realized that I was EXACTLY half way through. Subhanallah. In the past, I stopped reading Quran and gave up about half way through Ramadan. So, it's a better way this year and inshahallah for years to come. Every habit truly begins with a first step.

I did not go once to the masjid, though I did pray with others a couple of times. I did share iftar a few times with other Muslims, and with my mother almost every night.

I won't say it was easy to live in a non-Muslim household during Ramadan. It wasn't. There was no one to share suhour. There was no one who understood my quiet at the end of the day. Bouts of anger fell on me harder (but alhumdulillah hurt me less).

It was however a time when I could really share a bit of Islam with my mother through my actions. She could see how I observed my days and could accept a date to help me break the fast every night. With all the blessings I received during Ramadan, she could also share in the knowledge of The Glory of God. Alhumdulillah.

I felt, thanks to you Ramadan, more able to cast away the bad, dirty, and stupid in my life. I didn't want to ruin our time together, so I cleaned up my act in order to be with you more fully. I hope that, once you leave, I can keep those evils at bay. I will miss the clarity I've had since you've been here. I have a feeling that I'll loose some of that bit by bit until your next visit.

Last year, astragferallah, I did nothing---not one good thing---for Layla tul Qadr.

This year, I did Taraweah at home for every possible Night of Power. Alhumdulillah. It was what I wished to do better since last year, when I felt so ashamed of my actions. Alhumdulillah, that I was given another chance with you.

How about next year? Can we set a date? I'd love to spend more time with you, Ramadan. You mean so much to me. Without you, I just wouldn't be Muslim.

Thank You,


p.s. Inshahallah, you don't mind me sharing my time with you on my blog.


Brownie said...

mashaa Allah....i would have never said better than that...i keep saying that i am going to miss Ramadan and i ll miss myself wz Ramadan the most...it was a great month for el hamdoliah...Ya Rab next Ramadan we will be better inshaallah..may Allah accept all our good deeds..happy feast sister

aimee said...

i enjoyed reading your ramadan posts...something i knew nothing about before following your link from matt's blog. thank you for sharing.

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom Brownie,

I'm so glad that what I wrote resonnates with you. The feelings I have towards Ramadan echo througout many of us, I think. We did our best, yet we know we can do better. That is Islam.

Enjoy your Eid!

Asalamlaykom Aimee,

Was it you that I met at Lake Calhoun? The day was kind of a blur for me.

Thanks for coming by my blog and reading about Ramadan. One-sixth of the world celebrates Ramadan, so it is imperative that the other one-fifth get to know what it means for us. It's like: if there was a small party you attended, with only five other people, wouldn't you want to know how to get along with that person? Exactly!

To learn about Islam doesn't mean you HAVE TO become Muslim. Muslims do not believe that everyone in the world is Muslim or that Islam is the only way to win favor with God. To each his or her own; there is no compulsion in religion.

I actually think that learning about other religions and cultures is very important for the world community. Also, the more we know about each other, the more we learn about ourselves.

I hope what I wrote was correct. Whatever was true is from God. Whatever was wrong is from me. Islam is perfect and Muslims are imperfect.

Rayyan said...

Salam Yosra,

I will always visit your blog time and time again, because reading your articles just increases my Iman...
Alhamdulillah you are so steadfast, May Allah guide your family soon to this beautiful way of life, that is DEEN-UL-ISLAM.

Just keep praying for them, and I will too...

Allah guide me first and all those true searchers like you, Ameen.

Eid Mubarak


Rayyan- S.A.

aimee said...

i agree with everything you said. especially "I actually think that learning about other religions and cultures is very important for the world community." that is so true.

i was not at lake calhoun. i live in WI and would have made the journey to MN for the day, but i was out of town for a wedding. i'm almost positive that there is another aimee that does live in MN though so maybe it was her :)

have a great day!!

superhijaabi said...

Sister, I love this letter, masha'allah.

Hope you have a great Eid!

em said...

Hi Yosra,

I think I might be the one you were thinking of from Lake Calhoun. I was in a hurry (late for a show) and said fast, my name could sound like Aimee.

PS: I think it's the other 5/6, not 1/5...Hope you're not teaching math! :-)