Friday, September 19, 2008

Ramadan 19: Tany wa Tany

Tany wa tany. Again and again.

How many times do you keep doing it in order to get it right?

How many people do you love until it makes sense?

How much forgiveness do you give?

I used to say,

I'll try

as in "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again."

This also got me to remember Little House on the Prairie, with Pa saying, "If at first you don't fricassee, fry, fry a hen."

When I became an actor-educator after graduating college, we were trained to eliminate, "try," from our vocab. It just wasn't very motivational, since it isn't an active verb. You can't actually show anyone you trying, unlike running, jumping, screaming for joy. You can show those. Try? No. It is a nothing.

But, if you say


then you just sound delusional. I mean, somethings you can and some you can't. No need to throttle every moment into submission. And if you don't accomplish the goal, after you've said that you will, then you feel a greater crash of failure.

That's why, after Islam, I was so happy to figure out the solution.

Not, "I'll try."

Not, "I will."

Now, I say, "I will, inshahallah."

This puts Allah into the picture. Any time you can't figure out the impasse; the confusion, put Allah back into the picture. Otherwise, we are just bumping around the planet getting hurt.

I will move again, inshahallah.

I will love again, inshahallah.

I will trust again, inshahallah.

I love every single person I've ever met, really.

Oh, again and again. I will keep going, inshahallah.

Again and again. Tany wa tany.


ammena said...

insha'allah sis :) and to let you remember that we are all here, behind you :D I look forward to hearing how things go with the move and everything. Insha'allah I would like to visit egypt in the future to visit a dear friend, so maybe if we are close we can hook up insha'allah. Fi amenallah

Anonymous said...

assalam alaikum, I was happy to have found your blog again and sad how all had turned out. Mashaa Allah you are so patient!! But aren't you afraid that your ex will take your son in egypt? Or even his parents? They can easily prevent him from leaving the country again.

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom Ammena,

You are a lovely sister and I can't think of anybody better to tour Egypt with. You show up and let's go! For real!

Asalamalaykom Tany Anonymous,

I call you this because you are back for more. Ain't it a big story?! Ya, I'm not always happy with the way it turned out, but alhumdulillah, there's more pages yet. Allah knows the book, so I'll keep putting my trust in Allah and keep going.

There are many people who warn me against bringing Mr. Boo to Egypt. AbuBoo respects me as the mom and would not attempt this. Would not. No. I have never been malicious towards him. I show him the amount of kindness I am allowed.

IF anyone is going to do me wrong in this life, then that is between them and Allah. I will NOT fear any person

---for instance, any man cyber stalking me----

because I only fear Allah. I will live with good in my heart and wish the best for everyone. I ask for Allah's protection.

Thanks for bringing up a point I wanted to address.

HEY! That's why I have a comment section! :)

Come back again and comment as Tany, k?

I think I just will have to name each and every one of you Anonymice so I don't go nuts...or nuttier. ;)