Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Splitting Hairs

I grew my locks for him
He locked his locks for me
Today I cut my hair
which no one else can see.

Each cut hurt my head like
a pull at memory
the strands of years fell down
no more misogyny.

My curls you once caressed
as you held on too tight
are now swept up; thrown out
and, "less is more," is right.

When it came time to leave,
I covered with modesty
My gift to a new man
is exclusivity.

You know me from my past
But I'm not yours today
Sadly, we are divorced
Our ties are cut away.

In blessed Ramadan--
a new time; a new me.
I have to get prepared
for who I want to be.


Anonymous said...

Very creative poem. I like it

Yosra said...

Wa Alaykom Asalam Wa Rahtmatullah Wa Barakatu,

Anonymous, you get the full treatment of peace and blessings from me because it means a lot to me that you took that time to send a nice comment. Shukran.

Poems are hard for me to publish because they are closer to the bone than prose. Sometimes, it just seems like the situation begs for a poem, so then I write and share. I appreciate you sharing also :)

Anonymous said...

Your poem was VERY good mashaallah, but just wondering what the point of wearing hijab is if you are going to share with the whole world about your hair....? (was long, now it's short, etc.)

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom Anonymous,

Thank you for the compliments.

However, I can neither confirm nor deny any assumptions you made about my hair length, etc. The poem really does not describe my hair other than to say that I have it.

I do not believe there is any fitnah in describing a haircut.

Again, best not to find fault with me. I bet there's enough fault to find within yourself. However, when you are done with yourself, please feel free to come cleanse me of mine :)

dramamama said...

Salam, Sis.

You know, I read your readers' comments and feel some are just plain nasty. I feel for you Sis; you bare your heart only to get nasties in return.

Take care. Know I am quietly rooting for you.

Yosra said...

Wa alaykom asalam wa rahtmatullah wa barakatu Dramamama,

Thank you---most sincerely.

I feel like I'm losing my mind tonight.

Shaytan actually whispered to me, "Why fast? You might get thrown out with no place to live! Why not just ..."

I shut it off.

By today I was supposed to have a visa in hand for Saudi and I don't. Not one of my friends thinks it's a good idea.

But if I don't teach there...where?

I thought to just leave it all and go to Egypt for Ramadan. It would take all my money and that would be just a one-way ticket for me and Mr. Boo. I'd have virtually no money while I was there. I'd stay with AbuBoo's family.

I need something.

My mother was irate, so it wasn't going to be coming from her.

Went to the masjid where I was married. The man who walked in the door was the man with whom I once discussed marriage. I asked him; he didn't ask me. I asked him when I thought an Islamic marriage could be so easy--two people wanting a good life simply start one.

He asked me how things were. We always have to say "alhumdulillah".

Bought $32.00 worth of Pull-ups. Mad about that. AbuBoo called and told me that he'd pay for them. Nice...if he had paid child support in the last two months. Soon it will be three months of no child support.

Ya Allah! This is verging on my utmost limits.

Inshahallah, I can hold on until I can start praying again. I know my faith is so weak after days of not praying.

Shabana said...

Would you be open to working at an islamic school anywhere in the US? The al-Jumuah magazine is always filled with advertisements for schools seeking teachers. I mentioned to you about AlHuda (MD) in another comment once. I mean, the Saudi thing might be good if it works out, but in the meantime...? I wish you the best, insha allah.

dramamama said...

Salam, Yosra. I read your response to my comment. I went Yosra 1 Shaytan 0. Way to go!!

Keep the faith, sis. Allah will show us the way out to our situation if we believe and perservere and don't give up trying.

In the meantime, could you provide tuition services at all? We have those tuition centers where I live but I don't know about the US. If not, just ignore that suggestion.

Keeping you and Boo in my du'as!

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom Dramamama,

Truly love you. Thanks for keeping score :)

Now that I've let go of Saudi, I am freeing up some lung capacity; I'm able to breathe easier.

I don't know about the tution services you are talking about. I will keep on trying out new ideas :)

Thank you for thinking of us and keeping us in your prayers. JAK.

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom Shabana,

OOPS! I took Dramamama out of order. You were next! She budged the line.

Yes, I am willing to relocate. I think I will relocate. I don't feel it here for long term. I feel like I'm meant to go on to another setting. We'll see.

Thanks for your encouragement :)