Sunday, August 24, 2008

Sharing a Day

His foot was huring so we sat down. I hadn't told him that going to The Fair was an Olympic event. I am such a walker. To be spending a day with a person who doesn't like to walk (can't walk) is a hardship.

He really didn't complain.

I didn't either.

He didn't like going on rides. NO rides. Not even Ye Ol' Mill. I tried to persuade him but he wouldn't budge. He has his own mind, but makes me laugh about as he resists.

He paid for Mr. Boo to go on a ride.

In fact, he paid for the whole day at The Fair.

He didn't want to eat Cheese on a Stick. This is pure culinary lunacy, in my opinion but I know he has his reasons for avoiding. So, he buys one for Mr. Boo. Later, Mr. Boo shares the last bites.

Just like Dude shared his roasted corn and fries and broiled steak sandwich.

We made it over to the Leinekugel Stage for Micheal Johnson, who was singing a funny song when we walked in. Later, he sang a duet; a love song. Wish I could figure out what song it was. It was beautiful.

The sunshine was bright but easy on the eyes. The breeze was blowing as we sat there on the bench. Mr. Boo was hugging us and loving a moment of being part of a circle.

Later, we found ourselves sitting alone in the backyard. We said our goodbyes there. He left me today. He leaves the U.S. for umrah on Thursday. For two weeks, he'll be dropping off his baggage in Saudi. When he comes back, he'll be able to see better if he can not only love me and Mr. Boo, but if he can accept the responsibility of becoming a family.
I, in turn, will be open to Allah's plan.


sister in mn said...

May Allah help you find the right spouse, whether it be this dude or another deserve to be happy.
When its time to make a decision about dude, remember to pray "Istikharah," so that your decision will be divinely inspired inshaAllah.

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom Sister in MN,

Of course you are right. Despite what might appear flippant or uncaring, I am very serious about finding the other half of my deen. I do deserve not just happiness but peace. Peace is something that I've needed and havne't had---I think because I was accepting the happiness like it was enough. It isn't. We all need The Peace of Allah. That only happens when we submit to His Laws.

I do pray istakkarah often. I haven't lately, due to my period. I do make du'a often while in menses.

Gotta go---kids just came over.

Idil said...

There is nothing that exists in hadith or Quran, or ANY fatwa of any scholar or sheik that says you can even take your hijab off once, let alone 3 times. If a brother is truly marrying you for the sake of Allah, then however you look under your hijab will be fine. The only thing that the suitor can see is your FACE and HANDS, those are the only 2 things, please ask your local sheik to confirm my post, as I know this is the case.
As for the man who divorced his wife after seeing her without hijab that you spoke about, then this man did not deserve that woman in the first place. What is under the hijab should not matter because the man should marry the woman for her Deen, her character, and yes, if he likes her face, too - but as for the hair under the hijab - big deal - she could get cancer in 5 years and lose all of her hair, so a good man would not make a deal about what a woman looks like underneath, he is marrying her for her heart, religion, character, etc., not for her hair or body (which can change due to age or sickness (cancer), or anything else). Hope you understand what I'm trying to say here. I am a man, and I would NEVER expect any good Muslimah to take off her hijab for any suitor, until AFTER our marriage. So, Yosra, just remember, that if a man asks you to take off your hijab, then drop him, and find someone else more deserving of you, ok! :-) Your surprise to your husband will be the first night after marriage when he sees u without hijab. If he is a good Muslim man, he will not leave you just because how you look, like that other guy did. That point right there shows what kind of a dog that other guy was, and you don't want a guy like that.
Plus, you talked about how the sister you know "really looked so much worse without hijab". I'm sorry sister, but this shows YOUR character. What you said about her was very rude, mean, and lacks any sort of compassion. Maybe YOU think she looks worse without hijab, but maybe there is a man out there who thinks she looks BEAUTIFUL! I mean, look at all of the married couples you see in this world. I've seen some really ugly people, Masha Allah, and they are MARRIED to beautiful people. This just goes to show you that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. The "ugly" person to me is actually "beautiful" to them. I'm talking about non-Muslims here. When talking about Muslims, Deen should be most important in the other person, and the face is the source of beauty and attraction, so taht is why the man is ONLY allowed to see the woman's face, to make sure he's attracted to her. Hair (whatever color, whatever length) doesn't matter if you marry for the sake of Allah.
Sorry for my long post, but I just wanted to make those points. I think you have not been with a good Muslim man and so hopefully insha'Allah this next man will be different for you.
Salaam alaikoum
Allah Hafiz

egyptchick7 said...

Everyone is going ape crazy bc she said this girl was ugly. Sorry ppl, but there are some mad ugly looking ppl out there. Regardless of personal opinions, there are some generally ugly looking ppl. not debatable. You all know what I and what she means so cut it with the "beauty in the inside" filler. I believe Yosra when she says this girl was ugly, so lets not condemn her for saying so.

Yosra married 2 ARAB men. I have yet to marry an Arab but I am Arab and I don;t know if it is a requirement of Arab men in general to see the hair. In her last two cases I guess it has. So forgive her not knowing otherwise. You all have told her it is haraam so the matter is done.

Yosra, habipty, I have TONNNS more to write on the matter at hand. But I will refrain. You can imagine in your head what I am thinking of saying, I am sure.

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom Idil,

A good Muslim man? No man is ever 100% good. Not even you. Thank you for trying to be good. Those other men I've known tried too. Let them be.

I left a link on the last posting as to the rulings on removing hejab. I do remove for a sighting, yes. I don't disrobe. I don't show more than my father or son would see.

I think it's interesting how we are not allowed to be real in Islam. Islam is all about the truth. So why all the half-truths? There are physically ugly people. YEP! There are! Doesn't mean we have to hate them. Infact, I wrote a play once for The Pinnochio Project to End Lookism. Lookism is discrimination based on attractiveness.

I TOTALLY understand that we are all God's creation and worthy of respect. But, saying someone is short doesn't mean they are stupid. Saying someone has acne doesn't mean they are dirty. Facts are facts.

Asalamalaykom EgyptChick,

Where the heck were you? I missed your sassy *ss backing me up.

Idil said...

egyptchick - you say there are some "mad ugly people out there - not debatable" - well I've seen mad ugly people married. What does that mean? It means that to their spouse, they are beautiful. Again, ugly and beautiful is in the eye of the beholder, that's how Allah created us. So when you say, "not debatable", in fact, it is debatable. What you think is ugly may be beautiful to another. Just FYI.

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom Idil,

Interesting discussion you and EgyptChick have going on in my comments section.

I know what you're trying to say, Idil. But, I don't agree.

There are levels of attractivenes which IS cultural to a large degree. Studies have shown that those people who marry someone from a very different level of attractiveness are more likely to divorce. There really is outer beauty and it does make a difference.

Surely, there can be inner loveliness.

Just as surely as there can be outer ugliness.

Is it possible that the inner can outweigh the outer? Absolutely.

But why act like ugliness doesn't exist? It does! Some people just aren't very good looking! Who is and who isn't THAT is debatable. But the idea that no one is ugly, THAT is not debatable.

Now go read my latest posting.

Anonymous said...

Asalam Alikym,
I don\'t think anyone is debating the issue of ugliness, the point is you talked about someone who YOU THINK is ugly, which is rude and how do you know that she doesn\'t read your blog or whether a friend of a friend reads your blog. Maybe the sister doesn\'t think she is ugly and doesn\'t agree with your opinion that \"even she new she had issues under the hijab\" as you state. Maybe the sister feels good about herself and potrays self confidence which inturn creates a beauty. A lot of people marry in Islam especially for the sake of the persons character. I can now see why you were suprised that your man didn\'t give you any physical attention, maybe because you think your all that and a bag of chips! Just my opinions here, please do correct if I am wrong.

egyptchick7 said...

Thank you yosra. Excellently put. I shoulkd amend my former argument by saying that beauty is REALLY cultural. For example, there isn't a white american male who has ever approached me for ANYTHING, a number, a date etc. I am attracted by the Pakistanis, Arabs of all sorts, hispanics etc. So I conclude that I am not attractive to White American Males. My beauty is not the American ideal of beauty.

I am not saying I am ugly however. But there are some real ugly people out there like, hmm, oooo Amelie Mauresmo...check her out!

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom Anonymous,

OK, let's get it clear:

This sister I told about, she is neither going to be called ugly or pretty by me. I have no right to describe her as such.

We got away from the story and the issue and started debating what is "ugly".

What I will say is that she has issues under her hejab. Her soon-to-be husband had a right to know that she had issues as that affected her attractiveness and her ability to hold his attention.

I read you as trying to be altruistic about the situation. It was what it was. I described it as it was. So the fairy tale that you started spinning of her having good self esteem anyway, marrying for character, blah,

Was I surprised that the new dude didn't touch me? I was pleased. Did I think that he would have to touch me because I'm irresistable? I'm definately resistable :)

However, I am also all that and a bag of chips---for the right man.

Asalamalaykom EgyptChick,

LOL, just as I'm trying to state that we can't call anyone "ugly" you find someone!

Well, your other points are well put, sweetness. Maybe there is some Polynesian island where you would be the hottest chick ever! I guess that's why it's good to travel ;)