Wednesday, August 13, 2008

God Wants Me in Saudi


All the doors are shutting here.

One...

by...

one...

The job at my old school? My friend got a job there; I didn't. Funny thing is that she doesn't want to be there. She wants a public school job.

I emailed the principal and asked if there were any positions still open. He called back to tell me that nothing had come available since I interviewed on Thursday. My friend got the job Monday.
SLAM! That door is shut.

My mom? While she and I patched things up enough for me to live here for now, I am not welcome to stay here for very long.

SLAM!

My kids? Their dad has been flipping out on me since the day I was to arrive. He is sending me emails like:

I doubt you have any concept on how damaging your presence here is on the kids. I doubt you have the ability to deal with me. I doubt you can put your kids needs in front of your own. I doubt you can accept that since you have abandoned them time and again - they have moved on without you.

That's only a portion. It goes on and on in shaming anger.

I love my older children, and we've had great times since I've been back. However, I don't wish to be in this kind of seige. Their dad is at war with me and those kids are the battleground. I can't and won't fight.

SLAM!

And now? The final door is really Mr. Boo's father. It isn't that I wanted to reconcile with him (despite what he told his lover). It's that I wanted to give us a chance to raise a child together. We get along. We already were raising my older kids together before Mr. Boo was born. I just wanted him to be present in our child's life. The way to do that would be to stay BUT --

No way can I stick around here and have his crazy old lovers calling up late at night to tell me stories of my life with him. It's degrading, embarrassing, and simply beneath me.

I am done feeling that my son needs this man as a routine presence in his life.

SLAM!

All the doors are shut.

The image I have had today is not of The Almighty denying us entry, but of helping us focus down the hallway to the exit.

5 comments:

egyptchick7 said...

God is telling you to go to Saudi....or somewhere else...

Teach English is Indonesia...ooooh Bali...It can be done...or wherever you want! Spain....yummm....amazing Barcelona.

Better yet, go to Zanzibar...Ohhhh Nikabis but not scary religious like Saudi....and it's in Tanzania, the friendliest place in the world.

Come to NYC. Be a sub teacher for $120/day here. Or, work like ORAU and save children. I would tell you to walk into your local Princeton Review office and ask them if they are hiring SAT teachers. (I work there) There are other routes than Saudi.

UmmAbdurRahman said...

I don't know what to say. I'm just trying to take in the last few posts. It's a bit much. Too much for one person to think about.

Shabana said...

Al-Huda School in College Park, MD is hiring for this coming school year. give them a call and see if there is anything available to you there. I think that it is such an amazingly unique community, masha Allah. At least that I am aware of, in this country. It's different on the East Coast. I'm just sayin....there are other options elsewhere in this country for you, insha Allah, if going overseas doesn't work out. *hugs*

Yosra said...

Asalamalaykom EgyptChick & Shabana,

Thanks for your career-guidance :) A week ago I thought about all the possibilities. Now, I feel that all roads lead to Saudi.

Asalamalaykom UmmAbdurahman,

Where are you?!

Sorry to bum you out. Originally, I wanted this blog to be alll positive and sun shiny. But...into every life some rain must fall---some hail too. Inshahallah, the worst is over...for now. You know how that is!

Love to you and yours! Kisses!

Faith Confusion said...

Still loving it! Just wondering why your other kids are with their father, and why he's so mad with you. How old are the kids, if you don't mind me asking?