Tuesday, December 5, 2006

Last on His List

I know that my mind isn't crazy.

Maybe I was crazy for trying to hold onto a person who wasn't good for me. Maybe I thought I could help him be a better person, or we could grow together. And maybe we did! I think we did grow as people during these five years. I know I have, alhumdulillah. But, his growth is now stunted and there is nothing more I can do for him. The only thing he can do for me is subtract from my life. He's not adding anything positive anymore. Not one thing I can think of. I gave him a real chance to tell me something that could make me stay his wife. And he told me nothing worth hearing.

"The time has come," the Walrus said,"To talk of many things: Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--Of cabbages--and kings--And why the sea is boiling hot--And whether pigs have wings."

OK, I'm quoting Lewis Carroll, but I've been trapped in an upside world, so it seems appropriate. It's been a Wonderland, where a wife who helps her husband is given rudeness and an ex-wife is given perfume and a night out on the town.

Lastly, I'd like to share my deep thought of the day. Ya, I know, you thougth the Walrus thing was deep. But, I got to thinking about my leather couch, which I KNOW is a blessed gift from God, no doubt. I thought about how I had to get rid of the old white couch I hated desperately before I even knew this couch existed. Had to clear the way! Had to sit in the chairs for months and wonder if we really needed a couch. When I realized that we did, I was patient but mindful of our needs and trusted in God, that eventually I'd get what we needed. It took a lot of hard work, but we have what we need now.

I think that remembering this will help me as I get rid of so much in my life. I have to clear out the bad to make way for the good. Inshahallah.

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