Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Blocking the Path

What if I picked out your outfit for today?

Would you be content with the size, the color, the material, the style?

Think about that. Whom do you know so well that you trust with dressing you?

I don't think I know anyone well enough. Maybe my husband...but that just couldn't be everyday. Maybe I could handle him styling me once.What about you?

What if I got to schedule plastic surgery for you? I could re-do what I don't like on you. I could choose the nips and tucks that would change you into the person I find more attractive. Deal? No? Too much? Is there anybody in your world that you would want making that choice.Hey, not even my husband would get the right for that!

How about you?

Well, then let me ask if I can stand on your path and direct you and your life choices. Could I? Please?! If you tell me you're happy heading in one direction, can I force you to go the other way? Or, can I at least stand there and prevent you from seeing down the path? I mean, you'll be happier if I block your way. Right?

Blocking someone's way is kind of like blocking the TV. Do you ever do that to be a jerk? I have. It's funny, for a moment. The zombie in the chair is totally zoned out and you step infront of the screen so you can hear, "HEEEEEY! MOVE OUT OF THE WAAAAY!"

But, that's something you can only do for a moment. To stand there longer, just doesn't make any sense.

And, have you noticed that the remote doesn't work if someone is standing in the way? Even, if they wanted to change the channel, they can't. You are blocking them. That is very frustrating for them. They basically want to kill you. They forget all about the shows and focus on you. Maybe some of you get a thrill from that sudden attention, and maybe I do too. But, it's not a great way to have a relationship; to get a charge from negative reinforcement.

You know, if you weren't standing there, they could see what exactly is on TV and they could see how dumb a lot of it is. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. Click. And you're done (we don't have cable). If they could really see the true picture, they could face their own dissappointment in the offerings. But, you won't let them see what is possible and they can't make that decision.

You want to decide what is right for your husband. You want to dictate and you want to detour his decisions. You plunked yourself down infront of him and started controlling everything in sight. He didn't like you for it. He would have liked you better if you just left him alone to handle his own life. But, you decided that if you were married, then you got a partial say about his life. You don't. You don't have any say in his life, just as he doesn't really have any say in yours. Try to enforce that partial claim, and see what I mean. Or, the next time he tells you not to spend so much money, I know you are going to push for just a little over what he says.

I've been writing "you", but I really mean "me". I just can't write it! I don't like being the person who stands in the way of my husband's journey. But I do! I stand there, like a big dummy wanting him to drop everything and just be with me. Men don't do that. Women do that. Men are never going to stop their life to blend with ours. They have too much testosterone.

If I would just let him see down the path he wants so badly, then he could see the truth. Instead, I have been waving my arms, jumping up and down, and yelling at him for months to see the truth. But, he CAN'T see it when I'm in the way! I AM IN THE WAY OF HIS TRUTH. It's not helping him to have me infront of him. I need to be beside him and to support him; not push or pull him. If I could just let this grown man make these huge decisions for this life, then I would be blameless if they fail. And the only way that he is going to be able to admit that those choices were bad, is if I am not gloating with an "I-told-you-so," expression.

On the flip side, what if he's about to make the best decisions of his life; the ones that will alter every sad thought into a happy time. It could happen! Only Allah knows. But, should he have to fight me for those happy times? I shouldn't be so sure that I am a better decision-maker for his life, than he is.

Would I let him stand in my way? Would I let him make my decisions for my happiness? If I felt that I needed to go down a path, how would I want him to behave?

I do need to go down a path. We all need to. The people, that we will allow to be companions on the journey, will be our staunchest allies; the ones who love us unconditionally and fearlessly. They want the best for us, no matter what that may mean for our relationship. They want the best for us, even if it isn't readily apparent. They trust in our relationship with God, that we will make each steps with "Bismallah".

I want that chance to live with my own decisions for my own life guiding my steps. And I don't want to be in charge of someone else's path, as it's too tiring. Jumping up and down, waving my arms and yelling is tiring. And it keeps my from my own path. It serves nothing to block someone's path.

1 comment:

Faith Confusion said...

Eaxctly. I think sometimes it's hard for us as women to let the men just be. We have a certain amount of controlling nature that I think comes from being motherly; we just want them to do well and we try to work it all out for them... but we don't need to. They're not our children, they're husbands!!!
I definitely struggle with this too.
Hell, I'm gonna write a list and try to stick to it.
1.No more comments about everything he does
2.stop telling him what to do
3.relaxing with him more and being more present with him and the baby.
Those are definitely things I need to do!!