Friday, May 19, 2006

Crying and Praying

I prayed. I cried as I prayed.

"Allah, I want to be good in this life, but this life is so hard on me. I deserve a good life. As your servant, I want that good life. I want peace and I want happiness and I don't really have either right now. You know that. You are with me. I turn away from you, but you are with me all the time. I need to be better with how I'm living my life and stay out of this mess. It is so messy. I don't want to live like this forever. Please deliver me from this. Help me tonight when I pray istakarah to understand what I should do."

I called the Sheik's assistant after that. He hadn't returned my call from all those days ago. He had been out of town. He was also leaving town and handing over his duties to another man. I will have to tell yet another man what is happening in my home. I will do it though. I will do it because somehow I will be delivered from this situation.

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